Celebrities do not buy; they expend – By Joy Bewaji

If all you do is hang around celebrities, and drop their names in conversations just to get a feeling of importance, or casual remarks indicating teeth-gnashing familiarity just so you can gain access into the VVIP (I hate that word!) section of a club…if your friends are celebrities and you are averagely existing, I personally believe you are having a clandestine affair with delusion and wild romance with poverty.

By design, Nigerian celebrities are takers. Their status demand that they are always at the receiving end. Their position is like the position of your Nigerian pastor- he is never going to buy your wares, he is the exception, a pampered exclusion from the mass drudgery. Any association, by him, with your brand should be an automatic pass to growth and acceptance. You present the result of gainful chore like a sacrifice to the gods. You are little, they are big; get a taste of their bigness and be gratified.

You think you need their endorsement; what you really need is common sense……..

It is because we look down on the average business owner who toils for his daily bread that we live in this cocoon of inflated ranking. It is the average Nigerian that most likely will give your business any sense of direction. The average Nigerian will buy, and he will continue to buy if you continue to meet a certain standard that he likes. He doesn’t ask for much; doesn’t even ask to be impressed. He just wants to be happy. If your product makes the regular Joe happy, you will make money.

I met a young man once…oh my God, just recalling his sad existence still makes me shudder. He would name-drop at every possible occasion. He knew everybody and is friends with many celebrities; the major benefit to this association is free pass into Champagne parties. He probably used that veneer status to sleep with many girls…until he met me.

One look at him, and I knew he was a loser. He had no job, but he was the CEO of some media related gig with no clients. He was broke; even when he spent money I could tell he would mourn the N2,000 he paid for a cup of smoothies I ordered.

My issue is this: if you know Celeb A (insert any musician or actor or comedian or any of those random celebrities with a day job) and you claim that he is your pal, and there are a hundred pictures littered all over blogs with you peeking to ensure your eyes-squinting, forked peace sign indicating your amazing top-notch unrivalled swag repute is captured; and you own a business that actually should cater to these celebrities yet they are not your clients (a service they most likely need), you have failed.

You have failed woefully.

If knowing celebrities gives you just as much as parleying with a random Nigerian would, then you are expending pounds for the price of pennies.

-Because I have come to realise that unless you are the one singing, acting, cracking jokes, PR-ing, producing videos etc you are like the part of a male organ in dire need of circumcision.

Hanging around celebrities can get you sex from groupies but it will not ensure you become anything of significance. You may gather thousands of followers on twitter by association, but you are mentally mediocre to even know what to do with those numbers; and because you are popping Champagne at the expense of a musician, you begin to believe that some jobs are beneath you yet you cannot climb the ladder to meet up and earn the friendships you have built based only through tough-talking on social media.

You are slowly corroding like an old bike left out in the rain.